Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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