i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
