Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
