He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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