New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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