My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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