I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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