You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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