The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Liz is crying about burritos again.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
