So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
