and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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