Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
