And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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