Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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