i barfeds in our rink
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
