I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
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