just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
