Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
