I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
