Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
