That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
