i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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