he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
