this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
