I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
