dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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