I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
