i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
it was like eating out sand paper
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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