I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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