How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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