I think I won the penis lottery.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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