it hurts more in the daytime
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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