ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
