he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Are we still banned from the library?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
