We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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