He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
