I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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