come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
