I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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