This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
