the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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