holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
