How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
