I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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