My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
