Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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