My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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