there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
