I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
