Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
