you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
