the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
