So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
