It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
