we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
