I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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